Not Shrink, Trust the Lord

I had the home teachers over Wednesday night and they had offered to give me a blessing, but for reasons that I do not fully know I declined. I do know that I have MS and I do know that I could be healed--if Heavenly Father wants me to be healed. But I know that this "trial" in something that I had gladly agreed to take on in the pre-earth life. I know I don't know how bad it is going to get, how long I am going to live or the quality of life I am going to have, but I do know that this is God's will. 

Elder Bidnar

He is my Father and I know that He loves me, more than I can possibly understand. I know that He is looking out for me and my family. I don't know how I will be able to support my family, where we live or anything else. But I do know that this is a start of a new mission in my life. And just like the mission that 18 year olds go on, I know that I have been called and qualified to embark on this mission. One talk that has helped me out a lot is Elder Bidnar's CES Devotional for Young Adults on March 3, 2013 This talk was like God speaking directly to me.

I was reading in 3 Nephi recently about the Savior healing all their sick and it occurred to me that even if I was there, I would not ask to be healed. Because this is what Heavenly Father wants for me. And if Heavenly Father wants this for me then I want it for me also. 

It is like I am just starting out on this journey, this mission and like most journeys and missions the start is usually the easy part. The hard part is down the road when you are all alone and the only one to lean on is the Lord. I know that I will have many many hard times a head of me but I also know that I need to have faith in the Lord. As long as I follow Him, I know that He will not let my family starve or not have a place to stay. I know that I will be able to find a job after the navy and will be able to support my family.

I am not saying that I expect the road ahead to be easy. I know it is going to be the hardest thing that I ever will do. I am just saying that if Heavenly Father wants this for me, then I am willing to accept His will. This life is the time for me to prepare to meet Him. My purpose in life is to BECOME more like Him. I know I cannot become like Him by having an easy, lazy and uneventful life. I know that it is through opposition and struggle that the greatest growth happens. I just need to continue to follow the Lord and do all I can to raise my children well. Like the article above says: I must not shrink. I must lean on the Lord, and I must trust my Father.