Now when I have these types of dreams the aliens win or the
bears eat me alive. Most times I don’t
even put up a fight—I just sit back and let them attack me!
So I have been asking myself why it is different, what has
changed and I think it is due to the fact that the things that stress me out
and the issues that I am dealing with have completely changed.
The issues that I was dealing with when I was the navigator were
things like:
- How to get all the training done this week?
- How are the new navigation plans coming?
- What to do with that one sailor who keeps showing up late?
- How to help my department succeed on qualifications?
- How to work on my command quals?
All of these issues had answers and there was more than one
way to solve them. These are beatable
issues.
But by far the major stressor right now is multiple
sclerosis. And this is not something
that I can “beat”. MS might not kill me
but I know that it is going to slowly cripple me down the road. MS is my new bunkmate that I get
to deal with for the rest of my life. I
will not get better—ever. MS has caused permanent damage to my brain that will
never go away and it is going to continue to cause damage. The damage and the resultant pain and difficulties are going to get worse.
But this is not the end of the world. I know that Heavenly Father has given me this
challenge, this sickness because He loves me.
He knows that this is what he needs.
And just like the people of Alma, who were living a good, quiet life until they were subjected to persecution by Amulon. Mosiah 24:8-
8 And now it came to pass that aAmulon began to exercisebauthority over Alma and his brethren, and began to persecute him, and cause that his children should persecute their children.
9 For Amulon knew Alma, that he had been aone of the king’s priests, and that it was he that believed the words of Abinadi and was driven out before the king, and therefore he was wroth with him; for he was subject to king Laman, yet he exercised authority over them, and put btasks upon them, and put ctask-masters over them.
10 And it came to pass that so great were their afflictions that they began to cry mightily to God.
11 And Amulon commanded them that they should stop their cries; and he aput guards over them to watch them, that whosoever should be found calling upon God should be put to death.
12 And Alma and his people did not raise their voices to the Lord their God, but did pour out their ahearts to him; and he did know the bthoughts of their hearts.
13 And it acame to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.
14 And I will also ease the aburdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand asbwitnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their cafflictions.15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord didastrengthen them that they could bear up their bburdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with cpatience to all the will of the Lord.
The last sentence is what I really liked and I am going to repeat again "the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease..."God did not take their burdens away. He strengthened them and helped them grow so that they became strong so the burdens were easier to bear. It will be the same with me. God is not going to take my MS way. I am going to have this burden for the rest of my life. But if I pray unto the Lord like the people of Alma did and trust in Him, and lean on Him, then I will grow stronger and will be able to "bear up [my] burdens with ease" even while my physical body gets weaker...
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